As two Irish pubs close, we ask whether they've had their day

Irish pubs are great. Who doesn't love dodging vomit and flying fists?

Seriously, what's better than a place to drink yourself so utterly senseless that the 66-year-old barmaid and the chair in the corner become objects of immense sexual desire?

Sunlight is over-rated. Gives you skin cancer, you know. Irish pubs save you from that scourge. Irish pubs are decked out like the inside of a Dublin dungeon, give or take a dash of sporting memorabilia and the Kilkenny taps.

Authorities say these two escaped leprechauns pose a grave threat to human dignity

You meet the loveliest people in Irish pubs. When police release the annual list of the state's most dangerous drinking venues, there's usually just a paltry two or three Irish pubs in the top 10.

To be sure, to be sure, the music in Irish pubs is uplifting. Who doesn't love the mournful dirges of those traditional Irish minstrels Sinead O'Connor and Bono? Who doesn't want to watch frumpy middle-aged couples dance to Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl?

But evil plans are afoot. There are those who are trying to change traditional Irish pubs and make them bright and light and generally enticing. Some pubs are even introducing windows through which you can see the outside world.

Shot glass on a chain... classy

When news filtered through this week that two Irish pubs in Sydney were closing, we thought it might be the death of the genre. Terry O'Neill, who will soon retire after 40 years running the Mercantile hotel in Sydney's touristy Rocks precinct, says the Irish pub scene is alive and well.

"Irish pubs haven't had their day, definitely not," he told us in his sing-song Irish lilt.

"The biggest problem with most Irish bars is the lack of availability of Irish musicians," he says.

Gee, and we thought the biggest problem was raucously drunk backpackers who travel halfway round the world to behave even worse than they do in Cork and Dublin.

As ever with cultural trends, change happens quickest in Melbourne. And most Irish pubs in Melbourne are nothing like the old-school dives which are as dark and dingy as the Guinness beer they serve.

Scott McKay is the assistant manager of Bridie O'Reilly's in the distinctly hoity-toity Melbourne address of Chapel Street, South Yarra. That's not the sort of location you associate with hordes of football louts belting out Danny Boy at 3am while they roam the streets looking for a kebab.

McKay says his pub maintains loads of Irish-themed memorabilia and decor. It even has live hurling on the telly (that's a sport by the way, not organised vomiting).

But Bridie O'Reilly's on Chapel Street is not dingy. In fact, it is unashamedly swish. It even serves wagyu beef. Wagyu beef!

So here's the thing. Either you've got a miserable, stinking booze den as cold and dank and filthy as a sewer, or you've got an upmarket place full of plastic people and faux-memorabilia and wankyu bloody beef.

Either way, you lose.

Mind you, it still beats getting shot outside a nightclub.

And to be perfectly honest, we do kind of feel like a sneaky Guinness right now, washed down with that traditional Irish delicacy - the kebab.

Source: News.com.au, 2 August 2013